Humble Beginnings Along a Bumpy Road: From Reactive Victim to Curious Listener

After reaching their breaking point in last weeks blog, Mark & Arian meet with their counsellor and work on some communication skills using suggested exercises. While their first attempt at this exercise triggers some emotional reactions, they have taken the first step to learn the skills they need to communicate with each other. See if you recognise some of these things in your conversations with your partner, and take the first step to go from a reactive victim to a curious listener.

Communication: Mark & Arian Reach A Breaking Point

Communication issues effect a lot of couples. Mark & Arian are no exception. But communication is only the end product of the complex interactions between the existing ‘maps’ in our brain that determine how we perceive incoming information. In this blog, Mark & Arian reach a breaking point in their communication and seek help to learn to communicate with one another better. Learn the basics of communication and see how you can put these skills to use to improve your relationship.

Meet Mark & Arian

This year, the blog is going to follow the lives of Mark and Arian. This great couple is representative in many ways of the people who have sought my support over the years. Like many couples, Mark & Arian have relationship problems, personal struggles and family issues. However, they also have strength, insight and resilience.

This post provides some background into their relationship, and their story, to help us better understand their marriage counselling journey.

I am number four: stone-walling is my strategy to keep you off my back

Yes, the fourth horseman of the apocalypse of your relationship, stone-walling, is as lethal as Contempt. Contempt and criticism are both active ways of undermining connection in your relationship. Defensiveness and stone-walling are the re-active counter-parts....

Beware The Third Horseman: Contempt

Beware the partner on his (or her!!) high horse – Contempt, the third of the four horsemen to threaten the health of your relationship, has a nasty side to it.

Being critical doesn’t help with Connection and Self-Worth

I am an expert on using criticism as a defense mechanism. Let me share my painfully gained wisdom with you Let's just be totally clear: the type of criticism I am talking about here is NOT designed to build a stronger relationship. It doesn't give your partner the...

The four worst strategies to use in your relationship

Do you know about Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling? Have you ever applied any one of these strategies to shut down an argument? Have you NEVER been on the receiving end of any one of these four behaviours?If you say yes to either one of these...

Neurofeedback one-off low-cost trial

Some of you know that I have been looking into the emerging science of Neurofeedback for a while and I am really excited to now be able to offer 20 clients the opportunity to join me on a trial with the most easy-to-use, non-invasive, self-regulating Neuro-training that is currently available.

I want you to be honest with me but I don’t know if I can take it

I know, the heading is a bit bolt and may be also a bit confusing. So let me get to the point: Most couples who come in to relationship therapy have a self-diagnosis of ‘communication break-down’. Even though the problems can be manyfold and express themselves in anything from affairs to silent dinners, it is true, that communication has suffered severely somewhere along the way.